well

cut the link below, since i dropped that class...er school.

for the next little while!

i am taking another course that requires a journal be kept for the semester. so if you're interested in what I have to say about aesthetics, or what I'm learning etc....come.

ah huh

So i was just gonna pop by and say:

the true mark of most despair is unconsciousness of being despair...and of course, denial.

yea i blog.

so here's a nice little pithy piece of poetic parlance:

Science takes it upon itself to smother mystery,
but finds itself to be a thimble, and mystery an ocean—
in which science breathes.

go here

it's better (for 60 days)

i'm back like a dash of peprika

Before i go to Cfest for the next few days and try to buy Todd and Scoot a few of their favourite Christian pop-culture-esque t-shirts with Jesus' name in place of TIDE or LOONEY TUNES, I thought I'd type up a little blog for the world out there that is salivating for a post from me.

I was in florida for 2 weeks guys, and it's definitely my favourite place to go. Hot, humid, palm trees, beaches, no smog, late-day thunderstorms, and, as it turns out, concerning about 5 out of every 7 females: florida is the east, and they are the sun (a little Shakespeare for u).

We took about (not even lying) 500 or so pictures, and I got some amazing scenery shots that make me want to live there all year round.

OH and the ocean water was sooooo warm! Unbelievably warm. It's probably in the 80s, I don't know but I've never been in ocean, lake, or pool water that warm in my life. It was so hot outside that it was still refreshing to go in the ocean even though it was so warm. I loved it.

p.s. i decided that i hate doing summer classes, even if they are only online. please remind me of this post next summer, to prevent me from doing it again.

what a night

Who knows what to say today? We played hockey. Todd was goalie without a cup, and that didn't work out too well for Arnie's dreams of passing on the family name. Pdub was goalie too and scored more goals on himself than the opposing team. I got sunburned just on my arms, mostly on the back of them, and now my shoulders are white (well, not like ffej white but like tan-white) and there is a perfect line of red-white where my arms connect with my shoulders. Thursday we went to the lamplighter. Scott had a beer, Alexander Keith's (aka peanuts), and he didn't blotch. I knew he wouldn't, cause he's not underage anymore. Counting Heartbeats was third up and started at 11:30, even though the show started at 8...set changes were double set lengths, but that's okay, i'd rather listen to G-rath's voice sooth my brainwaves anyways. Speaking of G-, he and I had some donairs that were good and didn't send us to the hospital to get our insides sucked out. I know todd wanted some but he was worried precisely about that. Last night a few of us went to a hot party. I had a beer, and let me tell you -- the rest of the night was a blur. All I know is that I even started laughing at D-ran's jokes and apsired to be like him. We left that party and went to Todd's and watched a movie that was rated 18A and was over 2 hours long. All three movies that we were considering to rent were over 2 hours long. We're now respectable artistically-minded movie viewers. Art is a funny thing.

All of a sudden I just got really tired. Really really tired. So I'll go to sleep, because i like that.

the problem with life is that it's divided into days, weeks, months, and years, so people forget that they only have one.

welcome to life.

the life of most Canadians is nonsense.

let's all impersonate mock human being: distraction; thoughtlessness; consumption.

let's all employ ourselves about the lives of celebrities, because they are mock human being.

i was drunk yesterday now let me tell you how cool i am because of how bad my hangover was: i'm drunk again and am still feeling last night's effects. praise and adorn me with gratitude, i have become mock human being.

i am overrun by my sensuous nature; don't tell me it's wrong (for who are you to tell me that), don't tear me away from what is agreeable. I'll cast you into the perfect all-encompassing mock-category lent to my thoughtlessness, you bigot.

put those old folks into the home. Wisdom? --old fashioned & irrelevant is preferable.

i was born in 1975 but want to stay relevant with the high school girls, so i practiced my "like's" and "as if's" and became a radio dj on 94.5fm.

who am i? i am what i am.

why'd i smoke weed? you only live once.

----------------------------------------------------

how is it possible to change people rather than simply complain

i just realized that

i hate it when people say "meh"
so i take it back and instead say "we'll see"

let me sleep!

i just want to say this:

i have finished my philosophy paper, and thus i have finished the course because the final is done.
i have finished my english drama presentation, and the script, and the paper to go along with it. now i just have the exam on tuesday.

its just nice to be done all papers...you know?
i have a story that i wrote for existentialism that i might put up....since it was part of my "journal" that i handed in...and so without it my existentialism blog is incomplete...but...meh

the world dichotomy

"Nearly 90 percent of LRA fighters are enslaved children, kidnapped from their families.
Under threat of death, LRA child soldiers attack villages, shooting and cutting off people's lips, ears, hands, feet, or breasts, at times force-feeding the severed body parts to victims' families. Some cut open the bellies of pregnant women and tear their babies out. Men and women are gang-raped. As a warning to those who might report them to Ugandan authorities, they bore holes in the lips of victims and padlock them shut. Victims are burned alive or beaten to death with machetes and clubs. The murderous task is considered properly executed only when the victim is mutilated beyond recognition and his or her blood spatters the killer's clothing..."
"David, 13, was captured by the LRA when he was 10 and held for about two years, Like other children, having killed others troubles him greatly. 'I was captured with two women. The LRA gave me a panga (large machete) and told me to kill one, or they would kill me. I beat her with it when she was on the ground. I kept cutting her and cutting her while she screamed.' He began to cry and said, 'I was always afraid they would kill me.'"
- "Deliver Us from Kony," Christianity Today, January 2006, Volume 50, Number 1

All of this, while I can get a heartpounding deal on a new mitsubishi. Or save 20-65% at Macy's Presidents' Day Sale. Or brush with Sensodyne to stop the pain of sensitive teeth.

sweet maybes

maybe
todd & scoot
will blog
so i can read them
and fulfill my life's purpose

my plan B blog

Click here to go to where i'll be posting all my journal writing for my Existentialism class...incase anybody wants to read it and make comments.

Life by the Milk Carton

Over the past few months I have begun to drink a lot of milk; it contains quite a few calories and a decent amount of protein which can do no harm to the rather lean person that I am. And because of the fact that expired milk is possibly the most foul substance to ever come into contact with the human tongue, I have become very aware of the expiry dates that are stamped onto these plastic cartons. All dates are approximately two weeks into the future of the date purchased. So lately, I have been taking these cartons out of the fridge, looking at the date, and saying to myself, “Wow, it’s already January 31st!” Of course, it is two weeks prior to January 31st, but the fact that this date is imprinted onto the milk carton makes it seem much nearer, as if it has attached itself to the sun setting on the horizon, in order to spring up on me while I sleep. In result of this, I have been acquainted with quite a bit of unwarranted anxiety (it seems to be characteristic of anxiety to be unwarranted). The anxiety, in turn, gives way to restlessness, and restlessness does not leave easily. It arrives swiftly and fixes its tent pegs deep into the soil of my mind. It makes an unruly home there, treating glass as if it were stone, tossing around fragile thoughts and bending the lenses over my eyes so that the light enters in an awkward chaos. “There’s something I need to get done.” The statement grips hard onto my being, encompassing me tightly from all around, swooping up and down in circles until it has wrapped me completely in its rough exterior. How do I, how do humans, conquer this feeling? Do we need to find an escape which has the ability to diminish the feeling of restlessness for a certain amount of time, until it arises again in some other circumstance? Or is there finality somewhere? From what I have read of the existentialists, deeply connected to, or the root cause of this anxiety, or angst, is the alienation that people feel because of the dualisms cast upon the world. Hegel listed five ‘grim’ aspects of alienation. However, his first one seems to reduce men simply to animals. Rather than using his reason to conclude that, for instance, when married a man should not lust after other women and have sex with them, Hegel claims that what we view as “a feeling…of wretchedness” should be a matter of enjoyment. But precisely what makes us different from animals is the fact that we can look into the future and see whether or not a “moment of enjoyment” is going to have terrible consequences. The feeling of wretchedness comes when we know we have done something wrong. Whether we are immaterial souls or not doesn’t really factor in; Hegel should have just said that it is religious morals themselves that alienate people.

who gets a syst on their face

well apparently i do! a massive aching lump on the right side of my face that reaches under my cheek to my neck and is relentless in its agenda to dissolve any of my opportunities to sleep at night. hopefully antibiodics will help cause nobody wants face surgery, and i certaintly hope that there are no "foreign" cells floating around. cuz that wouldn't be nice.

so, if anybody is bored during the day or at night i'm at home all day and night awaiting a good movie/poker game/puzzle/whatever to watch/play/do.

you can't have christmas without

Yesterday I went to bestbuy to check out if i could find home alone 2 on dvd because I know we have home alone 2 somewhere in my house but i can't find it anywhere, and there is no christmas without watching it. So i got there, and was looking around and found Home Alone 1, and it was on sale, along with Jingle All The Way. 2 for 30 bucks. So i thought to myself..."I do have home alone at home, sitting in its case, but it is a VHS and there is one part where the screen, well it kinda flickers and rolls, so i'm probably justified in making this purchase. And as for Jingle All The Way, well i'll probably end up renting it every year at christmas time so I may as well just buy it now, save money in the end and even get the 2/$30 deal right now." So i grabbed those two DVDs, but still did not accomplish my purpose for coming to bestbuy. So i searched some more for Home Alone 2 (home alone and home alone 2 weren't even in the same sections...kinda weird). I got this nice girl at the front to help me find it, and after a few minutes we finally found it in the family dvd section. So I picked it up and then went over how much money i was gonna be spending here. Even with the 2 for $30 deal, it would turn out to be like 55 bucks! I wasn't sure if that was worth it, but i REALLY wanted to have these movies. So, I ran out of the store with the DVDs in hand. There was only the girl in the doorway so i easily shoved her out of the way and sprinted to my car which, by the way, i left running. I got in my car, peeled out of my parking spot while being chased by a host of bestbuy employees who knew they couldn't catch me but wanted to be heros. I made sure that i drove through their crowd to scare them and made them dive out of the way. They were all in a frenzy. It was an inspiring moment. I then pulled out of the parking lot and safely drove home.

Then i realized that bestbuy probably had an army of cameras zooming in on my face that whole entire time. And most likely one of the employees was at that precise moment showing somebody how to use a digital camera and took a photo of my face while I body checked that girl. I guess it was a good thing i was wearing that balaclava the whole time. People gave me weird looks, but i just fingered them.

prophets foretold him

"absolute" would be ultimate reality; God, life-force or "One", nirvana, etc. If one of them is true, meaning to our lives can only be found through whichever one it is.

i'd discount the life-force or "One" option, because usually this is another word for nature which a person can become "one" with or else he or she will reincarnate... but nature is not absolute; it has a beginning (in the big bang) and thus its existence depended upon something else.

in terms of nirvana, i can't say i know lots about it but when Buddha reached this state he was still persuaded by other people to change things in his philosophy for the better (such as his father persuading him to make an age restriction before a son can leave his household to pursue enlightenment), yet Buddha had perfect knowledge in this state and shouldn't have had to be pursuaded in anything. Futhermore, he recalled an infinite number of past lives of his, yet this was his final life because he had reached nirvana. 1) infinity cannot end, because infinity is forever in the past and forever in the future. 2) there cannot be an infinite regress of events (such as lives) because one would never reach a "present" moment. 3) space & time began with the big bang billions of years ago, out of nothing, therefore there is no infinite amount of lives to be lived.

if there's a God...which one? the God of Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Mormonism? I guess this is where the not "copping out" part comes in. What's more important in life than finding truth and meaning? Why wouldn't people search and search for this, rather than let themselves fall into a sleepwalk of daily meaningless motions? Get out of the cave people.

joyful o joyful

i havent really been in the mood for anything serious lately, but today i was thinking about life and was wondering if i even know whether or not there is a meaning or purpose to life or not. it seems like we do things simply as a means for occupying our attention and time, to distract ourselves from boredom, lonliness, meaninglessness, and so forth. we set goals so that we can justify the way we spend our time, and once we reach those goals we make more goals and start a cycle. for example, as it now stands university is just a way for me to know what i'm doing for the next 4 years; to have something to achieve, to have somewhere to go, to create a habit of doing something which i can identify myself with for a period of time. once i'm done university, other things will take up my time and attention, such as a career, a mortgage payment, etc. And with these aspirations which are known to us, we can focus on our goals and not let the meaninglessness of it all infiltrate our minds. It seems like the only time we ever reflect on life is during the down times; the times we have nothing to do, nothing to focus on. That is why when we are bored, when no TV shows will be able to capture the attention of our restless minds, when no book will firmly clasp our mind away from its insistent wandering, we just think. And soon we are quickly dissapointed with the lack of answers to our questions and so we search for stuff to do in order to pass this empty time until we reach a "must" in our schedule, such as a shift at work or a class at school. And so our days are a series of a "must do" action followed by a small period of "empty-passtime" which is then followed by a "must do" and our cycle repeats until the ultimate end, sleep. And perhaps this is what life looks like in the whole spectrum of years. 13 years of pre-college schooling, 4 years of college, then the insurmountable years of work and house payments and family raising and relationship building, all mixed with "waiting" periods in which we wait for our next promotion, our next child, our next job, our next car/house payment, our next grandchild, until the ultimate end that we are waiting for arrives, death.

People try to avoid this outlook on life by saying that certain things give them meaning. its poetry, or its music, or its friendships, or etc. but we can't give meaning to our own lives. its useless; those "meanings" are just distractions from the meaninglessness. If we want meaning we have to search for an absolute, and stop copping out about it.

to face unafraid the plans that we made

Why do the canucks always have the worst first period?
if they would just actually play in that 1 period
every game would be so much better

hmm maybe i'll go set up the christmas tree
because it is less than a month till christmas
and who sets up their tree to only have it
up for 1 week, that THAT is a waste of time